So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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