I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
