I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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