Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
