Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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