You really coming over, don't trick.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
