i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
