I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
