i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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