I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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