I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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