I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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