is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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