Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think my tv is drunk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
