You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
