I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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