You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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