can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Buhtt sex?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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