How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
