you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
