Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
