I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
