Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
