while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
