i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
