i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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