I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
