so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
