Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
