im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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