I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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