I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
