Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
