if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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