My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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