Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
