just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
