So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
