I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
false alarm, still single
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