all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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