Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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