I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
