our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
