Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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