I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nobody cheats on THIS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize