In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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