So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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