i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
