ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
