I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
