True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
