just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
