My first STD was from a foam party
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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