You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
