I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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