I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
