if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
