two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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