Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
