shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
