hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
